Implications of blended and step families
“Look after your new relationship/marriage – this is what holds the new family together”
In 2011, of the 121,752 marriages that were registered, 40.5% of the brides and grooms had either been previously divorced or widowed. It is inevitable that a majority of those registered also had a child from a previous marriage or a child from that new relationship, making them a blended or step family.
So, when there is ‘mine’, ‘yours’ and ‘ours’, in a relationship, there are a lot of implications to be considered. Here are several important considerations for the implications of a blended or step family:
Have discussions about money early to ensure it doesn't become an area of conflict in the future. Be realistic - it will be more than you think.
Consider a binding financial agreement to set out at the beginning how your assets will be divided if there is a relationship break down in the future.
Watch out for unresolved property settlements – be careful about intermingling your finances and assets until this is resolved – your financial circumstances could be scrutinised and any assets that you and your new partner have purchased together will be considered.
Think of the children as it may very well be a confusing time for them – they may be confused about where they belong, worrying about moving houses or schools, or even who is collecting them from school that day. It may be beneficial for the children to have therapeutic counselling to help them adjust.
Becoming a step parent – this, for some, is a very daunting and scary task and it can be tricky to work out your role. You are not replacing the other parent. Just remember you cannot expect the step-children to love you (but you can expect them to treat you with respect, and vice versa.
If either you or your new partner is assessed to pay child support, this will be less money to contribute to the new relationship. You also need to think about how a new child (either in your family or the other parents) could impact on the assessment.
If you or your new partner is on Cenrelink Benefits – you must inform Centrelink of the new circumstances; otherwise you could be made to pay back monies.
You should review your estate planning – i.e. what is to happen with your assets when you die. This involves reviewing your will, enduring power of attorney, the beneficiaries of your superannuation and your insurance policies just to name a few.
Co-ordinating living arrangements with the other parents’ so that all the children get to share some time together or not (there may be tensions or age differences). Be prepared to listen, make changes and compromise.
Look after your new relationship/marriage – this is what holds the new family together. It is important to work as a team and deal with things. Remember that you cannot control other people’s emotions; however you can control how you manage it.
Plan – you are after all dealing with at least 2 other families that are going to be making plans of their own – communication is the key.
Just remember: It will take time – don’t expect too much too soon from the children or your ex or your new partner. They will have their own pace at which they come to terms with the new arrangement.
Where to from here?
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